Of Night and Light and the Half-Light
by upthenorthmountain
Summary: Title is from He Wishes For The Cloths of Heaven by WB Yeats.


White.

Above him, and below him, all around him - he was lying on it, in it, and he had to _move_ , because lying in a snowdrift was one of the surest ways he knew to die up here. He was so, so tired and his thoughts moved like treacle but he knew he had to move, and quickly.

Where the hell was Sven? If he could get to the sled -

He was so _tired._

* * *

White, but he wasn't cold - and before he could panic, Kristoff blinked, and some other things came into focus.

A fireplace. A bedframe. A ceiling. And a window, with strange triangular panes that were oddly familiar.

His head hurt, a dull, deep pain on his right-hand side. When he put up a hand, gingerly, he could feel the bandage round his temples, and when he touched where the wound must be it hurt sharply enough to warn him against touching it again.

"You're awake!"

He'd thought he was alone in the room, but he was wrong. In a chair by the bed, slightly hidden by the bed curtain, there was a young woman with red hair. She looked like she'd been crying recently, but she was smiling now.

"Yes. Just."

The woman leant forward and put her hand on his arm. "I have to ring for the doctor, I'm sorry, I know it's a bore - but that was the only way he would agree to send the nurse away, if I said I would ring as soon as you woke - just a moment," and she hopped up.

"I don't need a doctor," he said quickly. "Thank you, but I'll just -"

Then he recognised the windows. "I'm at the palace."

"Yes?" She rang the bell-pull by the door and returned to her seat.

"How did I get here? I was on the mountain -"

"You don't remember? No, I guess you don't. You - well, we don't know quite what you did, but you were hurt, and Sven came running back here by himself, and some of the guards went with him and found you and brought you back home."

He couldn't quite parse that, but he didn't need to, because she was still talking. "I'll be giving him extra carrots for a few days, believe me! You had us all very worried." Her smile wavered slightly but she rallied. "But you're okay! So that's great."

"I'm fine. I mean, I will be."

"Of course."

"Where is Sven?"

She looked confused. "In his stall, Kristoff. In the stables."

"Wait - how do you know my name? And his?"

She just stared at him. He tried again.

"I'm sorry, your face is familiar but I can't place you - do we know each other?"

In a very small voice, she replied. "I'm your wife. I'm Anna."

There was a tap at the door and she went to answer it, not taking her eyes off him until she was outside the door. He heard a hushed conversation, then a man entered, presumably the doctor. The woman with the red hair followed him and stood a short distance back as the doctor sat in her vacated chair by the bed. Her expression was anxious and confused, and she was fiddling with the wedding ring he hadn't previously noticed on her left hand.

"Now then, young man. I'm Doctor Brunbaer."

"Hello?"

"I hope you can tell me your name?"

"Bjorgman. Kristoff Bjorgman."

"And your age?"

"I'm twenty-one."

The woman said "Oh!" The doctor half-turned towards her.

"I'm sorry - I'm sorry. I'll be quiet." She stepped further back, out of his line of sight.

The doctor turned back to the bed. "And what is your occupation, Mr Bjorgman?"

"I sell ice. I was cutting ice, when - I'm not sure what happened. When I hurt my head."

"You don't remember the accident?"

"No."

"What's the last thing you remember before you woke up here?"

"...I was in the snow."

"Before that?"

Kristoff shook his head, thoughts too tangled in _brought you back home_ and _I'm your wife._

The doctor coughed. "Well, with a head injury, it can take a little while for things to sort themselves out. The cut is not much but it bled fairly heavily, as head wounds do, and it is hard to tell the force of the blow that caused it. I think a few days rest and you will be much more yourself." He started to rise. Kristoff said hastily "Sir - could I talk to you for a moment? Just you?"

"Of course." The doctor half-turned again. "If you wouldn't mind, ma'am?"

"I should go and see my sister anyway," Anna said. "I won't be far," she said to Kristoff, and he nodded. She left the room.

"She told me you didn't recognise her," the doctor said quietly. "Is that so?"

"She looks familiar," Kristoff said hopelessly. "But she said she was my wife? I'm not married, I'd know, wouldn't I?"

"Head wounds can be peculiar things," the doctor said. "I daresay after a bit more sleep, and some time for everything to shake back down into its proper place, it'll all come back to you."

"She said this was my home. Does she work here?"

"Yes, you could say that."

"So we both live here."

"Yes."

The doctor patted him on the shoulder. "I shouldn't let it worry you, for now. Get some rest and it will all come right."

* * *

Everything was in pieces, everything was upside down and confused. The only thing he could think, the only thing he was clear about, was that he needed to see his family. He needed to speak to the trolls, and see if they could sort his head out.

How to get there, though. It was at least two hours ride from the centre of Arendelle, and he'd need Sven - where were the stables? How could he even find them with nurses and doctors and _wives_ watching his every move?

The obvious answer was to wait until nighttime. He let himself doze through the afternoon, and made everyone very happy by sitting up and eating some soup at dinnertime, and then afterwards he waited for the castle to settle down and go to sleep. Gradually candles were snuffed, voices quieted, the footsteps in the corridor disappeared. Now he could try and make his escape.

His head was still a bit muzzier than he expected - he had to sit on the side of the bed for a while to let it clear, then it took a little time to find some clothes and put them on. He assumed they were his clothes - they were in a dresser in the room where he'd been sleeping, and they fit - but he didn't recognise them and had no idea how he'd afforded them.

(There was another dresser, too, full of women's clothes - underwear and nightdresses, mainly. He wondered where the woman with the red hair - his _wife_ \- was sleeping tonight, and felt bad)

After dressing Kristoff had to sit on the bed again for a few moments, his head spinning. He was longing to lie down, just for a minute, but he knew if he did he would fall asleep, probably for the rest of the night. Better to stay upright and get moving.

The corridor was dark and he stepped over to the window, as quietly as he could, to get his bearings. He was on the first or second floor of the castle, at the back somewhere, overlooking the fjord. He had a vague idea the stables were on the town side; of course he would be the maximum distance away.

He followed the corridor along and came to a wide spiral staircase; climbing down it carefully brought him into a large hall, still and solemn in the moonlight. The staircase, combined with the pounding in his head, had got him turned around - maybe if he went outside he would be able to find the stables and Sven.

He chose a door at random and went through into another large room that seemed to be some sort of portrait gallery. And stopped short in front of the painting on the end of the row.

It was a portrait of a young couple. The woman was wearing a silver ball gown, and elaborate jewellery including a sparkling tiara. The man was standing stiff-backed next to her chair, his hand on the back; his bride - for it was clearly a wedding portrait - had one hand on his, the other holding a small bouquet of flowers. They both looked wonderfully, radiantly happy. They also both looked extremely familiar.

"Kristoff?" The voice was low, but still jarring in the silence. He span round and nearly fell over.

"Sorry." Now he saw her, as she stepped forward out of the shadows - a young woman with hair so pale it was almost white, dressed far too well to be a servant. And if the red-haired woman was the princess in the portrait, then she - then _he -_

"I'm fine, I'm sorry. Princess Elsa."

"It's Queen Elsa these days. Or you can call me Elsa."

"I missed the coronation too?"

"Oh no, you were definitely there." She walked over to him. "You're going somewhere. Let me guess. The Valley of the Living Rock."

"I just need to see them."

She inclined her head. "I understand. But you're not going anywhere tonight, except back to bed."

"But -"

"Kristoff, I promise you we will go there tomorrow. But if you think I'm going to let you and that reindeer ride halfway up a mountain in the middle of the night, the day after you had a serious accident, then you are very wrong."

Her tone was level but there was steel behind it. He knew there was no point arguing.

"Tomorrow?"

"I promise. We'll go straight after breakfast."

"We?"

"Even in daylight you're not riding halfway up a mountain with just that reindeer, however helpful he's been recently. I'll come with you."

He was too tired and his head hurt. Maybe she had a point. He let the queen lead him back up the stairs and post him into his bedroom. "Where's Princess Anna?" he asked just before she left.

"We have a lot of spare rooms," Elsa said. "Get some sleep."

* * *

Wherever the princess had started the night, by the time Kristoff woke in the morning she was back in his - and, he supposed, her - bedroom. Not in the bed, but curled up in the big chair by the side of it like a cat, wrapped in a blanket and fast asleep. He lay and watched her; the sun was only just coming up, and the room was warm and orangey-pink in the dawn. Her eyelids fluttered as she dreamt and it made a strange tug in his heart.

The portrait (if he hadn't dreamt it - and he was fairly sure he hadn't dreamt it) was pretty definite proof, if he'd still needed it, that he had indeed managed to marry a princess. _How_ he'd managed it, he had no idea, but he was beginning to see how you could fall in love with one.

Anna made a sort of snuffling noise and turned over, or tried to - her position meant that she nearly tipped straight out of the chair. Kristoff lunged and caught her, still wrapped in the blanket, and for want of anywhere else to put her, he pulled her onto the bed and laid her down next to him.

She didn't wake, or not properly, which surprised him. Instead she stretched out, then curled up against his shoulder with a little sigh and was once again in a deep sleep.

Now what did he do?

Okay, yes, this was her bed; and she was his wife, so it was fine for him to be here too; and there was even two layers of blankets between them. But it still felt vaguely improper, and he half-expected a pair of guards to come running in and drag him away.

He watched Anna's face again. She was frowning, and kept pursing her lips. Then suddenly her eyes opened and she said "Oh!".

Kristoff started back, pulling away from her. Anna looked him up and down, and bit her lip. "You fell out of the chair," he heard himself say.

"Oh - I expect I did - I didn't mean to fall asleep. I couldn't sleep in the other room so I just came to check on you. But it's morning now, is it morning? So I must have been here a while, oh dear. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He'd forgotten how blue her eyes were.

"This is so weird," he said suddenly, and rolled onto his back. The bed had a fabric canopy, embroidered with flowers and leaves. He'd never seen such a fancy bed before, let alone slept in one. "One minute I'm up a mountain and the next I'm in bed with a princess and apparently everyone is okay with this."

"I can get up if you're not comfortable -"

"You're fine. I'm fine."

Anna was still lying on her side, watching him.

"Maybe - " she said, then hesitated.

"Maybe what?"

"Well - did you think about - true love's kiss? It heals a lot of things."

"You want me to kiss you?"

She shrugged. "Worth a try."

"The queen said we were going to see the trolls later. They can sort out my head, I'm sure of it."

"This might save you a trip." She'd been edging closer as she spoke, and now she was lying right next to him again. She'd shed the blanket she'd had earlier and he could see she was wearing just a thin cotton nightdress. And she wanted him to kiss her.

Her expression was so trusting and open. Tentatively, Kristoff put out his hand and touched his fingertips to her cheek. Anna moved towards him, pressing her face into his hand, and closed her eyes, waiting.

Her lips were soft and warm. She sighed into the first kiss and when he pulled away she followed him, kissing him again, more firmly. Then she let him go.

"I'm sorry," he said, and he had to look away. He couldn't meet her eyes as she said "It's not your fault," and he let her turn her back. He hated himself, and he hated stupid past-Kristoff who had got into this accident, and he hated him more for not realising what he had.

Now she was crying, or trying not to. What did he do? He didn't know what to say. He didn't feel he could touch her.

"We had an - argument," she said suddenly. "I wanted to ask your family about something, something we both wanted but you didn't want to ask them about it. You thought we should just - wait a bit longer. And I was angry and we fought and then I guess we made up but I was still pretty mad. And then the next morning you left early, without saying goodbye, and after a couple of days Sven came back without you and the guards went with him, they wouldn't let me go, but they brought you back and I thought you were dead -"

Now she was crying, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. "- and while you were away I found out, you were right, we just needed to wait a little while longer, but I can't even tell you because you don't even know who I am..."

* * *

The queen - he still couldn't bring himself to call her Elsa - had insisted they take the sled. Kristoff said he wanted to ride Sven, but in truth he was quite happy to sit on the seat. He did drive, though. Even if she was the queen it was still his sled and his reindeer (he was fairly sure).

The journey seemed longer than he remembered, or maybe he was just tired. By the time they arrived the sun was well up. The trolls usually slept during the day, but as soon as one saw the identity of their visitors they were all awake. Grand Pabbie was the first to approach Kristoff.

"And what happened here?"

Kristoff knelt in front of him. "I hit my head."

"I should say you did. But you know I can't do much about physical injuries, Kristoff." Pabbie put his fingers to Kristoff's temple, and paused. "Now what's this?"

Kristoff winced slightly at the familiar feeling of someone rummaging in his mind. "That's - the problem."

"Three - four years, knocked out of place." Pabbie sighed. "Humans are so fragile."

"Kristoff!" Bulda had rolled over and jumped up next to them. "What have you done to yourself!"

"He has damaged his memory," Pabbie said. "I cannot fix it. In a troll, I would try, but in a human I dare not risk it." He put his hands down. "Magic, I can repair. A sharp blow I cannot."

"Damaged his…?" Bulda started swatting Kristoff on the leg to punctuate her words. "Silly - boy - take - more - care - of yourself - think - of - the people - who - _love you_ \- I bet poor Anna is worried sick about you -"

"That's the problem," Kristoff said, flinching away. "I don't - I don't remember anything that happened since - I don't know. It's gone."

All the nearby trolls blinked at him. "But she's your true love," Bulda said. Kristoff shrugged, and looked at his feet.

"It is not gone," Pabbie said. "It is there. But - cut loose. It will return. Have faith."

"That's what the doctor said," Kristoff replied. "Essentially. Just - wait for it to work itself out."

Pabbie put his hand on his shoulder. "Then he and I agree, on this point at least. Go home to your wife, Kristoff. She loves you very much."

Kristoff remembered Anna's face when he had woken the previous day, her body curled into the chair beside him, the warmth of her lips. "I know."

"Then you are already halfway there."

* * *

I took a fair amount of the afternoon to get back to the castle; it was a good thing Sven knew the way, and he certainly seemed more familiar with it than Kristoff would have expected, even driving right up to his own special stall in the castle stables (and that was strange to Kristoff too; there was even a painted sign saying 'SVEN', and it wasn't new. How long had it been there?).

Elsa sent him upstairs to lie down - was she just used to people doing as they were told, or was she naturally that way anyway? - but he found that the room was already occupied. Anna was getting ready for some sort of royal event, and there were maids flitting about, in and out of the dressing room and bedroom.

Anna insisted he sit on the bed and wait. "We won't be long. I just need to get dressed and do my hair and things. Don't go."

"Do I go to this?" Kristoff asked, worried.

"No - I mean, normally, yes, but not today. You should go to bed."

She disappeared back into the other room. "It's just a dinner and I think maybe dancing? I don't know," she called through. "But someone will bring you up some dinner." She wandered back in, but now she'd shed her normal outer clothing and was just in her corset and petticoats. Only slightly more skin was visible but Kristoff found himself blushing anyway at her underwear. Anna didn't seem to notice. "Birgitta, can you help me with my skirt? Thank you," and she was gone again.

Now she was chattering to the maid, which gave him a few minutes to think. He hadn't considered this side of being married to a princess. At least his head gave him a reprieve for this evening.

"Okay! How do I look?"

Anna was standing at the foot of the bed. Her dress was red and gold and richly embroidered; her hair was pinned up and held with a jewelled clasp.

"Beautiful," Kristoff said. "Maybe I should come down, and stand in the corner, in case the other young men start getting ideas."

Anna smiled and bit her lip. "Well, normally you -" she stopped.

"Normally I what?"

"Normally you - kiss me when you think the other men are looking at me too much." She was blushing a little now.

"Do I?"

All he could think about was the kiss earlier - the moment when Anna had pressed forward against him - and he suddenly wished he could do it again.

"Princess Anna? Your guests are here, ma'am," someone said from the doorway.

"Oh! Yes. Of course. I'm just coming," and she smiled at Kristoff and left.

* * *

The next day was quiet. Kristoff's head hurt, and he was tired from trekking up the mountain the day before and frustrated that it hadn't worked. He stayed in bed until the sun was well up, then let himself wander round the castle, stopping to rest whenever he found a convenient spot. He guessed the queen was working, and apparently after a late night the princess rarely rose before lunchtime.

Eventually he found himself in the stables. Sven, at least, was familiar, although he did look far too comfortable being spoilt rotten in a royal stable.

"I wish I felt as at home as you do," Kristoff told him. Sven snorted and went to sleep.

* * *

That evening was apparently what the sisters called a 'family dinner', which meant just the three of them eating in a smaller dining room. The three of them and a succession of servants, of course, to bring and remove dishes, to pour drinks and unfold napkins and do goodness-knew-what - but Kristoff sat there and tried to act like this was all normal to him. After they had eaten, Anna lead him by the arm into a sitting room, and he ended up seated on the chaise watching the two women play a card game.

It was a fast-paced one - something about putting cards on piles in a certain sequence, before your opponent, and at some point one had to slam one's hand down quickly on one or other of the piles; after watching for a while he could see that Elsa was better at strategy, but Anna was quicker overall and was gradually building up a lead.

And she was enjoying it - laughing when she bested her sister, making mock-pouts when she lost a hand, eyes sparkling as she dealt. Occasionally she would glance over at him and smile, and he was happy to smile back. He could tell that this was the usual Anna, not the sad, quiet one he had seen more of over the last two days, and he liked watching it very much.

Eventually, though, she yawned, and Elsa told her to go to bed.

"I'm fine, I'm not that tired. I just haven't slept well because - you know, a different bed. I'm getting used to it, though! I expect I'll sleep better tonight."

"You could sleep in your normal bed," Kristoff said. "I mean - it makes no difference to me."

Elsa stood and took the pack of cards over to the sideboard to put them away.

"It's okay…."

"No, I - feel bad."

"Maybe -" Anna hesitated.

"What?"

"Well, the doctor said, familiar things might help you - maybe if you slept there too? We could just - sleep - but it might remind you. But not if you're not comfortable with it! Of course."

The bed was pretty big. You could probably have three people in there sleeping without them touching at all, Kristoff thought. "That's okay with me. And you're right."

Anna nodded, looking relieved. "I'll go and get ready for bed, then."

"Okay."

When Kristoff went upstairs himself he didn't see Anna immediately. The bedroom was empty, but he heard someone moving about in the dressing room adjoining and looked round the door, which was ajar. And pulled back hurriedly; as he had looked, Anna had been in the process of dropping her nightdress over her head; her back was to him, but, nevertheless. _She's your wife,_ he told himself. _She's your wife and you've seen it all before, presumably. It doesn't matter to anyone that you just saw the princess's bottom._

 _Or that it was a very nice bottom._

He retreated to the main bedroom and changed as quickly as he could into the pyjamas he'd woken up in the day before. Anna came through into the bedroom, and they climbed into opposite sides of the bed. She leant up on one elbow and blew out the last candle.

In the darkness the room, and bed, seemed huge to Kristoff. The sound of Anna's gentle breathing, the smell of the clean linen, was all so strange. It frightened him a little bit - shouldn't this be starting to feel familiar by now?

"Anna?" he said softly.

"Yes?"

"How long have we been married?"

"Not quite a year."

"Oh."

Silence again. His eyes were now getting accustomed to the darkness, but the room still felt too big.

"Could I ask you a favour?" Anna said.

"Of course."

"Could - could you hold me, just for a moment?"

"Um. Sure."

Kristoff didn't know exactly what she had in mind, but she turned over and backed towards him until they were touching. He draped his arm around Anna's waist, placing his hand very carefully on the sheet in front of her. The smell of her hair was maddeningly on the edge of familiar.

"Can I ask _you_ a favour?" he said quietly.

"Anything."

"Can you tell me - how we met?"

Anna was silent for a minute. Kristoff hoped he hadn't upset her. But he couldn't work it out and she seemed the best person to ask.

"That's a long story," she said eventually. "And - some parts of it are - not super flattering. To me."

"Well - it doesn't look like it put me off. When it actually happened."

She smiled. "That's true. Bulda says that you were smitten as soon as you saw me. But you always said it took longer than that."

"How much longer?"

"A couple of hours."

He laughed.

"After I broke your lute."

"Broke my lute? Vandal."

"On a wolf's face."

"Okay, now you have to start from the beginning."

So she did.

* * *

Kristoff woke in his own bed.

He tried to turn over, but quickly turned back again - his head hurt on that side - of course it did. He'd hurt it. Thank goodness for Sven.

And facing this way he could see his wife, sprawled on her back, fast asleep, her hair covering the entire pillow, one arm thrown over her head.

And then it was there, in his mind. Watching her sleep, and deciding not to wake her, just to go, because if he spoke to her, she was sure to ask again…

 _It's been nearly a year! We could just ask. That's all._

 _No way._

 _Why not?_

 _If you think I'm asking them about anything to do with - what happens in our bedroom - no!_

And he'd apologised and she'd agreed to wait and they'd gone to sleep. But the disagreement had still been there and he hadn't wanted to revisit it at the crack of dawn. So he hadn't said goodbye, and he hadn't kissed her and he hadn't told her he loved her, and then he'd managed to come damn close to never being able to do those things every again.

He watched Anna sleeping, and remembered that morning a couple of days ago when she had tumbled from the chair into the bed. _I thought you were dead._ He'd put her through that, and without even a kiss to remember him by.

Wait. What else had Anna said? _You were right, we just needed to wait a little longer._

"Anna," he said softly. She scrunched up her nose and buried her face in the covers. Gently, he put an arm round her, and she burrowed into his chest, still half-asleep.

"Anna," he said. "Hey."

" _What,_ " a muffled voice said, then she squeaked and pulled back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No, it's okay. Anna." He put up his hand and brushed the hair out of her face. She looked into his eyes, slightly puzzled, then started to smile, hesitantly, at his expression.

Kristoff leant forward and kissed her, deeply, on the mouth. She sighed and slipped a hand round to the back of his neck, pulling herself up against him. When he drew back and said "I love you," he wasn't allowed to say any more words before she threw herself at him with so much force he ended up almost on his back, kissing him furiously.

When Anna finally drew breath, he put his hands on her shoulders and held her a little distance away. "You remember?" she said.

"I remember. I remember you and I remember - I remember what we were arguing about."

"Oh," she said quietly.

He took a deep breath. "Are you….?"

She nodded. "I didn't want to tell you until you knew - until you remembered - but yes." She grinned at him. "I'm going to have a baby."

For a minute they just beamed at each other. Then Kristoff, very gently, pushed Anna back onto the mattress, and showed his love for her in the best way he knew.


End file.
